Understanding the Lord’s will – Coming full circle
I have been thinking about this topic for a really long time. Months I have pondered how to understand God’s will without getting my emotions and desires too involved with it. But, maybe they need to be involved… or not… I think I am over thinking this. Anyway, I don’t think I will ever fully understand God’s will and his full plan while living on this earth. But I do know without a doubt that he cares about the big and little things in our lives and that is what I want to understand more. So my question is, when do I know it is a big thing that effects the future and his plan and when is it a little thing that is really just for me?
…whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you.
I have a story, if you don’t mind reading along. But it just came full circle this week when we welcomed our new little baby boy. I sit here snuggling him in my arms while typing. We all love him and realized how lucky we are that we have him with us. The story actually starts 3 in a half years ago when I was pregnant with my 4th son. I have very normal text book pregnancies. Nothing really out of the ordinary happens ,except the doctors have to help me not hemorrhage after, but really that is easily handled. I have normal births, healthy kids and I truly count it as a blessing. So it came as a surprise when I went in for a doctor visit that my world was a little shaken. I was told on my 4th pregnancy that my baby was breech and I would most likely be having a cesarean section.
Breech??? What? Why? None of my other kids had done this. Did I sleep in a weird position? Eat something strange? I couldn’t understand. The recovery was terrifying for me because I had other kids to take care of and honestly I didn’t want it. I wanted what I had always known. So I prayed and prayed and prayed that the baby would turn and everything would work out. In the end, the doctor tried to turn the baby and it just didn’t work. I ended up still having a cesarean section. I was a little discouraged, but I did have a healthy baby and for that I was grateful. But in the back of my mind I never understood why a simple thing of which way the baby was turned made that much of a difference and why the Lord didn’t help me or answer that prayer. I thought of a lot of different scenarios and finally found peace with it. It just happened and it all worked out.
Fast forward 3 years and I am now expecting my 5th boy and the time is approaching for this baby to get into position and I had a bit of anxiety over it. What if he is breech? What can I do to prevent this from happening again? What about the complications of a VBAC? I started praying and praying again that the baby would turn the right way and it would all work out. I was nervous. But at each appointment he was prefect. Head down ready to go. My prayers were being heard and I loved that the Lord cared about this little detail in my life. I felt close to him and knew that everything would be okay.
When delivery came it was long but wonderful. He came into this world peacefully and beautifully. He has been the perfect little angel. But I, however, didn’t end things as peacefully. Without going into too much personal detail I had a complicated recovery. I hemorrhaged terribly bad and through more answered prayers was lucky to not be recovering from surgery and blood transfusions. I had a wonderful determined doctor who was able to stop the bleeding. But it was incredibly painful and honestly a very traumatic experience that I never wish to experience again. I saw and was part of multiple miracles that night and I hold them dear to my heart. I know God loves me dearly, he heard my pleas that night and I was overcome with peace. In the end, it all worked out. I am feeling much better and I hold in my arms a miracle.
After a day and we were still in the hospital talking about what happened. We kept saying this experience has conformed our thoughts that our family is done. It feels complete and honestly I don’t think my body could handle another pregnancy. It barely made it through this one. And with that thought I had the impression and thoughts about my C-section. I then realized this experience would have happened had my 4th boy been head down. I would have hemorrhaged. I would have experienced a terrible and maybe worse delivery and I know I would have chosen not to get pregnant again. All of a sudden everything came full circle. I understood why the Lord had a plan for my 4th pregnancy and that we are very lucky to be holding our 5th son. The Lord knew all along. My prayers really had been heard and answered. Now I can’t say for sure that all this would have happened. But I felt in my heart the Lord explaining things for me. Little Finn needed to be in our family. I needed to have that C-section so we could have one more child.
What I thought was a “little thing” for me turned out to be a “big thing” that impacted our family’s future. I didn’t know it was a “big thing” for over 3 years. I found a few scriptures that have helped me find comfort in understanding the Lords will and I know I will always try and seek it. He loves us and knows what’s best. Sometimes we just can’t see it yet. I hope my story helps you find patience in understanding your prayers and the answers you get. It isn’t easy to follow the Lords way when our desires are pulling us in a different direction. Just remember he cares and you can find peace in His plan. I still have lots of other prayers that didn’t get answered as planned and I may never fully understand why but I know someday it will all come full circle.
2 Nephi 2:24
24: But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
8: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.